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...cuz yu love me...

...from da moment yu met me... in a moment of confusion... when i thought i needed no one... when i was somewhat mean, angry, impolite, insulting... yu tried sooo hard to win my heart... yu brought some sparkle back to my werld... yu brought out every emotion in me... yu made me laugh... yu made me furious and downright mad... yu made me sad... yu made me cry... yu made me scream... yu made me lose control... yu made me happy... yu made me love yu james... and without a doubt, i love yu with all my heart...

...believe me when i say it's not yu... it's nuttin yu said or did... yu gave yur love so freely to me and yu never once asked for much in return... except that we be together forever... but that which brought me to yu in da first place, consumes me... memories not quite forgotten... a past that torments me and continues to rule my life... regrets that i can do nuttin about... wishing i cud turn back time, and do it all differently... for so long i've been afraid to love too much... all i ever do is run from it... dat need to stay in control... leave before im left... da ones who are suppose to love me da most, hurt me da most... i no longer have dat unconditional love within me to give to others... i couldn't even love my sweet innocent baby... without reasons, i doubted da guy who claimed he loved me... fear of rejection, i walked away from a life that cud have made me happy... i've walked away from those i love... i've lost my heart somewhere along da way and da best part off me... my soul, my heart, my spirit is just so broken... someday, ill be happy again... but only time and lots of uncondtional love cud get me to dat point...

...i long for those innocent, magical, carefree childhood days when everything was so perfect... surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees... dat wonderful smell of all those sweet tropical fruits in da air... watching all my dogs going off on their adventures and alwayz finding their way home... my mischeivous kitty curled up on da sofa... me climbing trees as if one of da boys... throwing stones at those snarling ferocious gators alwayz getting ready to run in case they made their way to my side of da river bank... bawling my head off at da sight of every snake... going to da amusement parks and beaches every weekend... riding with dad in his trucks... going on long walks with moms... getting into trouble with my brothers... and laughing so hard that i wud cry...

...yu say we are perfect for each other and our life wud be happy together... can yu make me feel like that again... utmost happiness without a care in da werld... it's what i want... to know i cud trust without a doubt... to love freely... to laugh outrageously... to be wikked and ruthless... to feel alive...

yu've given me months of happiness... yu've loved me... yu've tolerated my nonsense, madness and jealous rages when no one cud... yu've accepted my insecurities... yu've forgiven my constant cruelty... yu've touched my heart so deeply... we are so close and connected... we are each others best friend... i cud almost imagine a lifetime with yu... never a dull moment... a lifetime of tender moments... making our own memories... but there's an emptiness in my heart that fails me... a darkness in my soul that torments and possesses me... a broken spirit that makes me vulnerable and weak... your love has given me hope that things can get betta... knowing yu has made me stronger and more confident... but before i can make someone else happy, i need to be happy about me... i need to find dat peace of mind before i can move on... i need to stop being so angry...

...i shall never forget yu james... always in my heart... forever i shall love yu...

...to a special friend...

~~SweetEvil~~

V.K

!!~~guest~~!! ~ ~ !!~~view~~!!

!!~~uh oh~~!!

!!~~dream on~~!!

!!~~sad~~!!

!!~~imagine~~!!

!!~~let us love~~!!

!!~~Yu & Me~~!!

!!~~Forever~~!!

!!~and da heart goes on~!!